Are we unlovable?

Is it just me or does the title sound similar to a question we’ve probably asked ourselves a thousand times already? I know I have (I just did last week). But thankfully, my brain is at its smartest yet, and stopped that tenacious worm of doubt before it could bury itself in my mind. I’m not unlovable. Far from it. But before I explain the claim I just made, I want you to believe, with all of your heart, just until you finish reading this, that you’re not unlovable either. Just till you get to the end.

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The insecurity that I can’t be loved had plagued my mind for a couple of years, and I cannot even begin to tell you how incredibly stupid and obtuse I was to think that, even for a second. Had I forgotten my family, my friends, my pet, and most importantly – myself? It may sound vile and vain, but I absolutely love myself. Despite all the flaws, the idiosyncrasies I have, I don’t think there is anything unlovable about myself. And that’s alright, I’m fine with being a narcissist, it’s infinitely better than wallowing in self-pity and self-doubt. At the end of the day, even if I have no-one to tell me that it’s going to be alright and that they’re there for me, I have myself. I will always have myself.

The word unlovable is such an incontrovertible word – unlovable: you just cannot be loved. Do you really believe that? You shouldn’t. Every person deserves to be loved. Like I said, if by no one else, then at least by yourself. And if you can’t bring yourself to love you, think of the reasons why. Before analyzing the hundred reasons because of which some other person might not have loved you, you need to understand why you cannot love yourself. Change that. Become a better person. Not for anyone else, but yourself, so that you can be proudly in love with you. Once you do that, rationalizing the relationships that have gone south won’t be a synonym for self-doubt.

Now let’s face the real problem here. We’re not sad because we’re unlovable. We’re sad because our love wasn’t reciprocated by someone we loved. Does that make us unlovable? You go into a store and try on a few dresses. All the ones that you liked somehow don’t look good on you at all. Does that mean you sulk around thinking you’ll never be able to wear anything good at all? They were just a few dresses! There will be more, but you won’t be able to judge any of them rationally, if at all, unless you believe that you aren’t at fault here. If you’re trying fit into clothes that are too small, will that get you anywhere? Instead of feeling dejected and worthless, why not try to find clothes that are your fit? Understand yourself. Recognize what you need, not just what you want. It’s all part of loving yourself.

I cannot stress enough on how you don’t really need to depend on somebody else’s feelings towards you, to be happy. Why chain yourself like that? Why be a slave to someone else’s emotions? We spend most of our lives loving others, trying to make them love us, please them, even at the cost of our own wishes. And when it’s all said and done, you feel empty. You know why? Because you forgot to love the one person, who will, without a sliver of doubt, always be there for you. The very person you see in the mirror everyday. When my love for myself is more than enough for me, I will never, ever, feel empty. I won’t need somebody else’s love to tell me that I’m worth it, because I know I am.

I said in the beginning, that you had to believe in something just till the end of the post, even if you thought you cannot. So now that we’re at the end, you can either go back to questioning every action you make, and complain about all the bad hands you’ve been dealt with when it comes to love, or you can give yourself the love you deserve. All we really want is someone who loves us, despite everything – all the sad parts, the not so fun parts, the ugly parts, the quirky parts. Isn’t that what we look for all our lives? Someone to love us completely, sincerely. We are capable of it, I know we are. Do the honors then.

Ex animo,
Dodo

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