I have a lot of things I wanted to tell my younger self, things I wish she knew then. But more than that, I have a lot of things I want you to hear. Because as much as I’d like to go back in time and whisper the words of wisdom to her, so she’d know better, I know I cannot. And I shouldn’t, because if anything was different about myself a few years ago, I wouldn’t be here, I wouldn’t have learnt all that I have. If my words were to travel in time and be of help to anyone, I know it would be you. So hear me out, wiser one.
I hope that you’re doing okay, that you’re doing much better than I’m wishing and planning for you to do right now. It would be too far-fetched to assume which life goals you attained and which ones were swept away with tides of time, so I’m not going to hover over that. I don’t know if you’re single, with someone, married, living alone, with parents, or with friends, but whichever the case it is, I hope you’re happy, with yourself. I wish you have people around you who make you laugh really hard, enough to bring tears to your eyes and ache your belly. I hope you’re doing your parents proud, and they’re still a huge part of your life, and that your brother is still a constant source of inspiration and love. If nothing else remained consistent, I wish at least all this did.
I know you remember when this was written, probably seems like ages ago, in another world. I was sipping my tea, typing on that noisy keyboard like a maniac – and typing on it always gave me a sense of peace, I imagined I was writing on a typewriter. But most of all, writing, was what made me feel truly content. Do you still do it? I hope you do, and I hope that you’re so much better at it than I am. It’s something I never want you to give up. I know how hard it is for you to sometimes open up about things that really deeply affect you, and writing has always been the air, in those times, when your heart was suffocating silently. It used to solidify the moments of happiness and joy, express the love your heart could barely contain. I want you to remember how that felt. I want you to keep writing, for yourself, if nothing else.
Are you still curious? About anything and everything? Do you still look at people and places with wonder? Are there at least a dozen things that you plan on learning in the immediate future? I hope there are. Do you remember all those hours and days that you spent, at times, planning things? The countless this-and-that you learnt just out of pure curiosity. Let’s be honest, you weren’t a master at any of them, but you learnt – and you kept learning no matter what! I trust you still do that. Did you finish learning German? Wie geht’s? Kannst du das verstehen? Eller det här? I hope that didn’t sound like gibberish to you or that you didn’t have to open Google Translate to understand it. I’d like to believe you still love learning about the world, all the overwhelmingly large number of cultures it has, the staggering amount of places there are to see. And I hope you’re still figuring out a way to explore them all, making lists and itineraries just in case.
And hey, I hope you’re still a fool in love, trusting, forgiving, forgetting – just as you’ve always been. This might not sound like a great advice – and it probably isn’t – but I don’t think there is any other way I’d like it to be. It’s who you are. You love too much, and too soon. Always have. I hope you always will, because eventually the world may run out of people who don’t see that it isn’t a weakness, but there will always be those special humans, who’ll love you for this quality. Just the way they do now. I want you to think back and remember all the beautiful souls you’ve encountered along the way, even the ones who haven’t stayed. The warmth and peace they made you feel. It was for the person you were, without any alterations. Never be ashamed of loving, there is probably nothing more wonderful in the world than being able to give love. I want you to stay the same, no matter what you have to face.
If I’m to predict the kind of things that you probably had to go through, on the basis of what I’ve faced till date, I won’t sound so optimistic, to be honest. But I’m not going to take back anything that I’ve said. I only trust that you’ve grown even stronger than ever before, that every heartbreak or fall, made you want to be better all the more; that you had the support of your family and friends, through every thing, that you knew their importance and told them so at every chance you got. I hope you didn’t lose your faith in goodness, or your empathy for the people around you, or the love you felt for animals. There might be a tonne of things I hope you changed about yourself like, a tad bit of reduction in your procrastination skills, or your inexplicable inability to enjoy waking up early in the morning, or getting a leash on that monstrous impatience you’ve been raising for years; but there are a few traits I wish you never have to tweak.
I don’t have to list out the incidents or name people, who’ve changed you for the better, means aside – I know you keep all the memories stacked and organized chronologically in your mind, so there’s no need for a reminder. But once in a while, we fail to see what’s right in front of our eyes. We might have the solution to a problem, dancing in front of us, and we could still be absolutely oblivious to it. It is in those moments, when it’s of paramount importance that we make sure to know that we’ve got all the help we need, right inside us. The motivation to keep going, the strength to get back up, all the support – it’s all within you. We learn by example, we see the mistakes others have made and keep in mind not to repeat them, to not be in the spot they’ve landed themselves in. Look back – never be afraid to do that – and learn from yourself. What better example could you find anywhere else? Nobody understands you the way you do, then how could somebody else possibly help you better than the way you can?
There are times in our lives, when we feel so lost, it’s difficult to listen to anyone. It becomes tough to even make sense of your own thoughts. This, is for those occasions. To remind you, of all that you’ve been through, of all you’ve survived, all that you’ve overcome. To remind you to stay the way you are, the way you were, regarding the things that matter the most. That, if there is anything, that can get you through the rough patches, it is your very own heart and mind. They don’t necessarily always think the same way, but remember how they’ve always agreed on things that are best for you. Trust them and trust yourself, always. I know I do.
A younger you.